This kid loves trying to make me laugh by making faces...sometimes it works.
This statement feels 100% true to me lately. I could go on a pretty good rampage right now listing everything that sucks about my life right now. But I'm not gonna. Not going to because most of what I feel depressed about is a direct consequence of some choice I've made in the past. No one to blame but myself. I can own it. I just don't know how to fix it. Then the other stuff is completely not my fault and it just plain sucks eggs. I've been wanting to blog a lot lately. I've been following this blog for a year or two. It's pretty unremarkable as far blogs go. She hasn't had some near death experience, no child of hers died or suffered any debilitating accident or disease. She does sell jewelry and has an etsy shop though. So that's cool. I can't remember how or why I came upon her blog but something about her clicked with me and I could totally relate to what and how she wrote. She's not LDS. I don't in fact know what her religion is but her family does attend church each week...without her, of late, but that's not the point. ANYWAY, she kind of tapered off with her posts. Instead of everyday, maybe just two or three times a week. Well, finally she posted something about how she has been having a pretty shitty time lately, has gained lots of weight, doesn't go to church with her family, and has been wanting to post about a lot of this stuff but feared being completely honest and putting it out there. She announced that she was going to start being more honest about her life and TURN OFF the comments. Now I look forward to her posts.
I used to write in my journal a lot. It was therapy. Sometimes just writing it all down, sorting through it all helps. I haven't written in my journal for six months. And before that like four or five months. And I've had a lot of crap go down in those 10 months then I have had in my whole life. I've learned a lot of life lessons. I've re-evaluated about every aspect of my life it seems. Every aspect. Even the ones that seem steady already. I've done the evaluating, come to some conclusions and now the hard part. Doing something about it. I've been down this road before and this is that part where I always stop. I can't do that anymore. I've got to make some changes.
I've been majorly depressed lately. About nothing in particular...just about everything in general. That's usually how depression goes if you aren't familiar. I've considered going back on meds. I even did for about a month. But they were Matt's pills that he wasn't using. But now he needs them back so I'm back off. I know, I know. I should go to a dr and not mess around with other peoples rx's...blah blah blah. I will probably go see my dr in June now that I think about it.
This post is reeking of vagueness and no details, just like 90% of all posts on facebook. My bad. Just stay tuned. I'm going to post more. Be more honest like that blogger girl I follow. I'm sure it'll all come out eventually. Sometimes it'll be negative. Sometimes it won't be. Just like real life.
